Daye 78 / I Get Lost

the day trembles
i get lost
i go backwards and forwards
a tiny light switches on
there are stars in my veins
a cosmos fills my brain
but i get lost
birds fly twittering through the sky
citynoise drones on inside my head
the church play in the background
memories warp
st b playing water music in his long dream
i follow him down to the sealine
this is unreality tv
we're up on a hilltop
i'm trying to grasp just what it is that's coming for me
but i don't understand yet
i might never understand
ah i'm so fucking lost
i pray
and i don't pray
i believe
but i don't believe
i laugh
and i don't laugh
i cry
i don't cry
i want
i don't want
i'm here
but not here
i love
but i don't love
i'm innocent
not innocent
i kill
don't kill
i see
but i don't see
i know
but i don't know
i'm alive
and i'm not alive
i'm even
i'm uneven
i'm real
i'm unreal
slip easily into the automode
i climb down from the roof of the world
i don't feel any better
sun pours through the roof of my silver car
it blinds me
the roads are wide and sticky
i can smell the asphalt under my wheels
i'm stuck in traffic
get me out
let me out
i hate being stuck in traffic
the fumes irritate me
the engine noise annoys me
a bee comes through my window
it lands on my arm
crawls up the sleeve of my shirt
tickles me
i accidentally squash it
it doesn't sting me
and i don't know why
i want to know why
i get a sudden sense of deja vu
see a girl i know
she walks past my car
shout hi
and call her name
but she doesn't respond
at least her lips don't move
neither does she look my way
then the traffic is moving again
now i'm lost
down an unknown street
how come i get lost so easily when i'm driving
i can never seem to find my way
anywhere
even a simple journey
takes much longer than it should
because i can't follow maps
can't remember instructions
my mind wanders
i get lost just driving around this city
and i've lived here forever
take the next left
then the next right
then third on the right just after
the traffic lights
i still get lost
i take a wrong turn
the wrong exit at the roundabout
i doubleback on myself
go 'round in circles
i'm in the wrong lane
cut up another driver
get annoyed
hot under the collar
'til my face is flushed
my heart begins to thump
passengers getting fidgety
they try to give me simple instructions
but i still get 'em wrong
i just can't find my way
it's a kind of metropodyslexia
i cannot recognise cities
cities make me act this way
i just get lost too easily